Tuesday, May 24, 2011

The land of milk and honey (...and only those things)

This is literally the only food in my mother’s home.  If you think it just looks like she hasn’t been shopping yet this week, you are at least half right. The shelves are particularly desolate as she is out of beer, clementines, and cheddar cheese—her staple items that I have come to rely on in times of being there. It takes a mere three more commodities to “fill” this pantry (not counting the 15-grain bread she buys for the dog). What does she put all these condiments on? I mean, she doesn’t even have the ingredient for her famed side dish, “cucumber.”
The half box of stale matzah that had been futilely taped shut after Passover (which we don’t celebrate) was tempting at first, but I’ve settled on the goldfish (according to the package now they taste better).  I will say, this is a step up from the three-year-old frozen chicken in the freezer of my youth.  Lord, beer me strength; Mom didn’t beer me at all.

5 comments:

  1. What, is there no Campari? That caramel popcorn looks pretty good to me.

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  2. so many good sounding jams and preserves and no bread?! Sounds like a nightmare I had once.

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  3. I LITERALLY think that Sham would pick Chris over me first. In anything. Including dodgeball teams. And life.

    This is hilarious--I'm glad you turned your woe into a productive post!

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  4. When I bake bread, I always have too much and have to freeze some for later noshing. I'm going to have to start sharing with your lovely mom since she's a singleton with a love of jellies and jams, too. #girlpower

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  5. Sarah, I should have searched deeper for booze.

    Monson, lots of nightmares this week, huh?

    Joy, please do! I hate to see all that jelly going to waste--am thinking of pilfering a few from the cupboard.

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