Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Alex likes eating: hamburgers!

This is a new segment in which I ask my buddy to talk about something he likes to eat.  I bet you already figured that out, so let’s move on. My live-in high-shelf reacher is a burger-eating expert. Today he is sharing a little of his immense knowledge with you fine people, reviewing four of his most-recent burger experiences.  Keep in mind that this post is powered by Alex’s love of bacon-cheddar cheeseburgers, and his willingness to put up with my ridiculous questions.

Where am I? Old Town Social

Which word best describes this burger?
Juicy.

Discuss the accoutrement.
This burger is topped with cheddar cheese, thinly sliced pickles, one medium sliced tomato, and shredded lettuce, along with a fried egg. But the important part is the addition of a light, yet tangy, sauce which adds to the juiciness factor. (Editor’s note: This burger does not come with fries! Be sure to order a cone for the table.)

If the burger were a car, what would it be?
I would say, that if you get the burger with the fried egg on top, it would be a Cadillac. It has its refined additions, i.e. shaved lettuce and light tangy sauce (heated leather seats, power everything, feels like you are driving on a cloud), but it still has some balls (read: deliciously juicy meat flavor)—it has the big beefy V8 which can be called upon at a moment’s notice to toast some little Honda Civic at a red light drag race. American muscle beats import everytime!

What combination of unicorns and rainbows would you give this burger?
I would give this a solid 9 unicorns on a scale of 1 to 10.

Additional comments?
This is everything a good burger should be.

Where am I? Smoke Daddy

Which word best describes this burger?
Average.

Discuss the accoutrement.
This burger was topped with cheddar cheese and bacon, along with lettuce, onion, and tomato.

If the burger were a color, what would it be?
I think this burger would be green, since this color falls in the middle of the light spectrum.

What combination of unicorns and rainbows would you give this burger?
I would have to give this burger a 5, or possibly a 6, for the nicely cooked bacon. It wasn’t the best burger that I have had, but it also wasn’t the worst.  (Editor’s note: I told him to get BBQ. He didn’t listen.)

Additional comments?
This burger could have used more flavor.

Where am I? Gemini Bistro

Which word best describes this burger?
Mouthful.

Discuss the accoutrement.
This solid burger is topped with the classic lettuce, tomato, and pickle. The entire apparatus is housed between a pretzel bun. (Editor’s note: Not that Alex ever gets them, but Gemini Bistro parmesan truffle fries make me forget that I don’t have a jet-pack yet.)

If the burger were a tool, what would it be?
I think this burger is most like the “jaws of life,” used by firefighters to pry car doors open when they need to rescue a person trapped inside.

What combination of unicorns and rainbows would you give this burger?
I would give this burger 8 rainbows.

Additional comments?
This burger has lots of flavor, which is complemented nicely by the pretzel bun, and if you come hungry you will leave happy.

Where am I? Nightwood

Which word best describes this burger?
Classic.

Discuss the accoutrement.
This burger is served with everything that you would expect: cheese, bacon, lettuce, tomato, onion, and a pickle slice on the side.

If the burger were a movie, what would it be?
This burger is Field of Dreams or the Lion King—feel good movies that everyone knows and something you can watch again and again.

What combination of unicorns and rainbows would you give this burger?
I would give this burger an 8, a classic. Can’t go wrong.

Additional comments?
This burger is best enjoyed with a beer on the side.

Burger and beer at Old Town Social.

4 comments:

  1. One of my favorite posts yet! I could've used Alex at Whole Foods yesterday when I couldn't get four boxes of macaroni 'n chreeze because they were on the top shelf and too far back after I took three. Love the first photo! I hope you keep doing segments like this. Rating system is clutch as are editor's notes. Made me forget that I don't yet have a jet pack, as well!

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  2. delightful!

    10 unicorns way, way up!

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  3. Now that's a man who really thinks about his hamburgers. An excellent quality to have in a man. I knew he was a good one.

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  4. I want a hamburger. But, based on Alex's review, not the one at Smoke Daddy. Old Town Social sounds like the place to be. Does this mean I'm springing for lunch there?

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